Life.

Life is a funny old thing. Its just so full of ups and downs. One moment you're standing on a beautiful peak at the top of the world, looking down at the wonderful valley below, while the next moment, you're hurtling towards aforesaid valley, usually with your feet north of your head. And no valley looks too good when you're approaching it from the top, head first, at top speed. The downs can be extremely depressing, the ups extremely exhilarating. If you throw in matters of the heart, the ups get even more 'upper' while the downs get 'downer'. Where this generally leaves me, is confused. Ecstatic at times, depressed at others, irrational a lot of the time, and prone to being illogical. Am I sad about that? No. Its a wonderful experience, well most of the time anyway. This, I guess, is a perfectly normal way to feel. If you feel it isn't drop me a note, and I shall forthwith get my head examined by a competent doctor. Because that's how life has been for me the past few months.

But you know what the hardest thing is? When you've prided yourself on being rational and logical, it can sometimes be hard when you can't find any logical explanation for the way you feel. How a single careless word from a person you care about can send you soaring into the highest heavens or sinking into dark murky depths of the soul. When you feel bad, even though you know in your head that there's nothing to feel bad about. When you feel good, even though you have no idea why you do. Escaping from the cold clutches of logic can be liberating and frightening at the same time.

Its pretty surprising how the best laid plans can get thrown out of the window in the blink of an eye when other things come up. How suddenly life can change in an instant and how quickly goals and plans that you thought you'd never compromise on no longer seem as important to you anymore. Life is like an oriental bazaar, one of those old fashioned ones with the narrow crooked streets and secret shops. Here you are, hurrying along the road that you think leads north, planning what you'll do when you get to where you're going, when suddenly you find that the road isn't going north anymore, and surprise! You DON'T want to go North anymore, you want to go South, and that's where the road is leading! Almost enough to convince an atheist to believe in a higher power. Hmm... or probably not. I did tell you I'm confused. Anyways.

Well, at the end of it all, what do I have to say? I would say I've never had happier times than in the last three months, but I've also had times I've felt extremely sad in the last three months. I take all that as part of the game when you care about a person very very much. And so I accept it as such. Things I used to think were important are no longer important to me, things I used to scorn have become close to my heart. But I still try and stick to one of the guiding principles I've believed in. No regrets. I don't regret anything I've done, and I won't do anything I'll regret. Life might take you through high roads and low, through sunlit valleys and dark caverns. But you wouldn't be where you are if you didn't take that path. It's that same rock strewn path that's lead you to where you are, that will lead you forward. If you had taken a different path, you would be a different person. And who knows if you would have been happy then? So just sit back, enjoy the scenery, learn your lessons, be true to what you believe, and life will take care of itself.

Its been a while since I've 'randomly rambled'. Feels good! :-)

Scheduling Posts!

Hey there,

Guess what new feature I stumbled upon a few days back? I found that I can actually write when I feel like it and then schedule the post to be published on the day I want.

What? You say its been around for quite some time? Well, it may be old news to you, but its new to me, and I love it!

When I write, I write a lot, and then the creative side of my brain tends to go into hibernation for a long period, before it wakes up and the process begins again. And if I'm not mistaken, scheduling posts should 'fix ma blog up good'! Rather than have a seasonal blog that dries up in the summer, I can actually ration my posts in correct dosages for optimum effect on you, the dearly beloved reader.

You may bow before my greatness now. ;)

Solitude

Have you ever had an image in your head? A rush of feeling that you've wanted to tell people about, but never could find ways to express? And the stifling feeling you have, when you realize that words can never convey what you saw. That you are alone?

I woke up alone, in a deep dark wood.
The sun had just set, the skies were as blood.
The trees whispered to each other, and to the rising moon,
while an owl peered down at me, with yellow sad eyes.

Rolling clouds on the horizon.
Huge, billowing, deep blue, almost black.
The moonlight turns a dark blue tint, silvery, surreal.
And in the air, a taste of impending rain,
the smell of mystery, and of a place
where Time matters no more.
Where I can just be.

I woke up alone, and I looked around,
At this beautiful place, so silent, heavenly.
And the solitude, so sweet, calmness so pervasive.
I felt myself smile, while a raindrop
became as a million glittering diamond shards,
splashing off my cheek.

The slight breeze brings me scents from beyond.
Whispers of stories, of the long slow lives of the trees,
and the critters that live and die in this paradise.
Gentle caresses, as it runs its fingers through my hair
and the trees begin to murmur, louder than before.

The raindrops begin to fall.
A few more.
A lot more.
I stand, with my face upturned.
Eyes closed.
Smiling.
Drenched.

Bliss.

A Few Thoughts. Indian Culture and the Chennai Airport.

Its that time of the year again! When I feel the itch to write and am actually willing to do it!

What have I been upto? Well I've been spending most of my time at the office. I was on second shift (that's 1.30pm to 9.30pm) the last two months, and it didn't leave me much time for myself. Don't tell me I had all of the mornings free ok? Its hard to get out of bed while the early bird's still catching its daily dose of the early worm when you find it impossible to sleep until 2 or 3am. I think I need to get a regular set of proper sleep patterns, mine are completely haywire. Anyway, this post isn't about my insomnia, I'll leave that topic to be grist for another post.

I'm sure you, dear reader, are wondering what momentous thing has happened in this sad sod's life that it actually made him put aside his laziness for a moment and actually post! Well, here it is. I'm flying to Kuwait today!

Its been around two years since I last went, and before college, I used to get to go once every year. Kuwait is where I've spent all my summer vacations when I was in school.

You're probably thinking I must be some rich spoilt jet setting kid..what? you aren't? Do I hear you say 'he probably is spoilt, but no way he's the jetsetting type!'? Well, you probably are right. The reason Kuwait is like a second home to me is because my dad works there. While I don't have too many nice things to say about the people there, I still think its a beautiful country.

I'm rambling, so I'll cut to the chase. I'm at the Chennai International Airport right now, waiting for the Security Check to begin, and I was struck by the following thought.

" I've actually seen better looking public toilets than this stupid piece of architecture they call an airport!!"

Yes, ladies and germs, its official. The Chennai International Terminal is the worst piece of architecture I've seen in a long, long time. There's this Stalin-esque feel to this place. Bare walls, dirty floors, harsh lighting, and enough nooks, crannies and "Do Not Enter" sections to hide a whole herd of KGB. And Chennai, they say, is a metro.

And there's this one other rather profound thought that struck me after I ruminated over how horrible the airport is. And that thought was about how little respect we Indians have as a culture, for the rights of an individual. Amazing, think about it. Individual Right to Free Expression? You think we have that? Think again, and remember M F Hussein, and the ill fated movie Water, and so much more. So Right to Free Expression comes with a rider, 'As long as you don't offend the majority'. But by the same argument, I could say the government is elected by the majority, so I cannot say anything against the government. You think that's acceptable? Then you're one of the reasons I think we're doing it wrong. Where do we draw the line?

And that was just about Free Expression. Then there's the right to see, hear, read what I want. Which basically means 'No Censorship'. Do we pass that test? Heck no! We fail brilliantly! We have a government that once tried to block Blogspot!

There are so many more issues I have with the way we, as a culture, operate. The way bribery is winked at, the way stupid government officials can casually walk out of their office, go have a coffee and pass time, while there are a hundred people waiting outside his office in the sweltering sun to meet him, the way we hate to see anyone rise up, the way we'd try to pull him/her down rather than raise ourselves up, the rampant hypocrisy, how easily our society fractures along sectarian lines, the socialist mentality, so so much more. Its depressing, so I think I should just stop.
Thinking.
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Sent from Amit's Motorola A1200, one helluva phone!