Life.

Life is a funny old thing. Its just so full of ups and downs. One moment you're standing on a beautiful peak at the top of the world, looking down at the wonderful valley below, while the next moment, you're hurtling towards aforesaid valley, usually with your feet north of your head. And no valley looks too good when you're approaching it from the top, head first, at top speed. The downs can be extremely depressing, the ups extremely exhilarating. If you throw in matters of the heart, the ups get even more 'upper' while the downs get 'downer'. Where this generally leaves me, is confused. Ecstatic at times, depressed at others, irrational a lot of the time, and prone to being illogical. Am I sad about that? No. Its a wonderful experience, well most of the time anyway. This, I guess, is a perfectly normal way to feel. If you feel it isn't drop me a note, and I shall forthwith get my head examined by a competent doctor. Because that's how life has been for me the past few months.

But you know what the hardest thing is? When you've prided yourself on being rational and logical, it can sometimes be hard when you can't find any logical explanation for the way you feel. How a single careless word from a person you care about can send you soaring into the highest heavens or sinking into dark murky depths of the soul. When you feel bad, even though you know in your head that there's nothing to feel bad about. When you feel good, even though you have no idea why you do. Escaping from the cold clutches of logic can be liberating and frightening at the same time.

Its pretty surprising how the best laid plans can get thrown out of the window in the blink of an eye when other things come up. How suddenly life can change in an instant and how quickly goals and plans that you thought you'd never compromise on no longer seem as important to you anymore. Life is like an oriental bazaar, one of those old fashioned ones with the narrow crooked streets and secret shops. Here you are, hurrying along the road that you think leads north, planning what you'll do when you get to where you're going, when suddenly you find that the road isn't going north anymore, and surprise! You DON'T want to go North anymore, you want to go South, and that's where the road is leading! Almost enough to convince an atheist to believe in a higher power. Hmm... or probably not. I did tell you I'm confused. Anyways.

Well, at the end of it all, what do I have to say? I would say I've never had happier times than in the last three months, but I've also had times I've felt extremely sad in the last three months. I take all that as part of the game when you care about a person very very much. And so I accept it as such. Things I used to think were important are no longer important to me, things I used to scorn have become close to my heart. But I still try and stick to one of the guiding principles I've believed in. No regrets. I don't regret anything I've done, and I won't do anything I'll regret. Life might take you through high roads and low, through sunlit valleys and dark caverns. But you wouldn't be where you are if you didn't take that path. It's that same rock strewn path that's lead you to where you are, that will lead you forward. If you had taken a different path, you would be a different person. And who knows if you would have been happy then? So just sit back, enjoy the scenery, learn your lessons, be true to what you believe, and life will take care of itself.

Its been a while since I've 'randomly rambled'. Feels good! :-)